Lost in Translation

From Listening Lynn...

Like many husbands, mine pretty much never listens. I have resigned myself to that fact, but the thing that annoys me the most is that if I ask him a question he’ll automatically answer “yes” or “uh-huh” without even hearing the question!

The other day I asked him if he had had coffee with his friend that morning. He says “yeah.” Although I am standing right there, not shouting from across the room, I can see he’s not listening so I sort of smarted back, “Oh, that’s nice. How’s he doing?” Hubby says, “How’s who doing?” I said, “Your friend, James…how is he doing today?” Hubby says, “I don’t know…I haven’t seen him.” I said, “You just said you had coffee with him this morning.” Hubby: “No I didn’t.” “Yes, you did. That’s what I just asked you. Why did you say yes when the answer was no?” His answer was one of the best: “I don’t know what you said…I don’t hear half of what you say.” Nice, huh? Of course, if I decide just not to talk to him for a while he wonders why I’m so quiet! K

Oh Go Get Shredded!

So, this story needs a little background. I have a certain recycling bin for magazines and paper in the multipurpose room. I also have a place for new magazines that I haven't read or that I'm saving which is on the shelf under the end table in the living room. I thought this was obvious and I'm sure I've told the hubby this routine a time or to. (upon deaf ears it seems...)

Tonight I come home after working and the kids have ripped up and cut apart paper everywhere. I asked hubby where they got the magazines from and he points out the table full of unread or saved magazines. I ask him which magazines and he mentions one was a Sunset magazine "from the bottom of the pile." My heart sunk. The only Sunset magazine I had was one that included my brother's artwork as a feature. I found the scrap with his art piece on it amongst the piles. Why out of 10 magazines sitting on top of this one, did he have to give the kids THE ONE that I wanted to keep? Ugh. Beyond frustrated now. I reminded him of the recycling pile and he acted shocked like he had no clue it existed or had existed for the past 2 years. yikes.

Nailed in Nantucket

This story comes from a friend of a friend and her recent experience with her hubby's fine hygiene.

One day, I spent hours cleaning the wood floors to a shine, finally got rid of every speck of dust and all the dust bunnies that kept reproducing. My husband came home after work and of course didn't notice, but that didn't bother me. In the middle of the night I woke up thirsty so I went downstairs to get a glass of water. As I was walking across my newly sparkling wood floors in the dark, I kept stepping on little poky stuff all across the floor. I assumed the dog had chewed apart one of her many toys. Aggravated, I stepped across the crunchy floor to flip on the light. Spread around was an array of little white pieces. As I bent down for a closer look, I realized they were...*gasp* toenails. Apparently, my husband didn't think to cut his nails over a trash can or even to sweep them off the floor. Needless to say, he was given a good talking to.

Eww.

Cat Butt Scent

Scented in Silicone Valley says...

Way back when the Bloom County cartoon strip was still popular my husband had an encounter with a certain cat. We were at a local drug store and there was a display of stuffed animals, including Bill the Cat from Bloom County. Apparently there was a tag on the plush which said "All new smell." Without thinking about it, my husband held it to his face. I had been shopping elsewhere in the store and I turned the corner to see my sweet hubby sniffing Bill the Cat's butt! I laughed so hard I almost pee'd myself.


At least it wasn't a real cat...

King of Vapid Rapids

This entry is courtesy of Dammed in Des Moines:

My husband and I went out for a rafting trip down a slow river for a lazy day. During our little excursion, my husband decided to be funny. He got to the front of the raft, stood and began shouting, "I'm the king of the world!!!" I turned my back to him, searching for the camera to commemorate his kingship when I heard a loud *splash*! My husband was now the king of the water. The funny thing was were were going past a few fisherman who were on the shore and he got exuberant applause from his shore side audience. He was soon back in the raft and said, "I guess I won't do that again." I'm just sad I didn't get a picture.

The Power is Too Strong

So I asked my husband to get the power washer out so that I could take the stain off our deck to re-stain it. He gave me a long run down about how I need to keep it away from the kids and make sure they're not in the line of fire (duh). He tells me it can take their skin off it's so strong. I agreed to be careful. Now he's out there, with my potted plants in full blast receival (I know, it's not a word), spraying away. Between the kids, the dog and my husband, my plants just don't stand a chance. sigh.

Having a Hot Car Doesn't Make You Hot

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