Nailed in Nantucket

This story comes from a friend of a friend and her recent experience with her hubby's fine hygiene.

One day, I spent hours cleaning the wood floors to a shine, finally got rid of every speck of dust and all the dust bunnies that kept reproducing. My husband came home after work and of course didn't notice, but that didn't bother me. In the middle of the night I woke up thirsty so I went downstairs to get a glass of water. As I was walking across my newly sparkling wood floors in the dark, I kept stepping on little poky stuff all across the floor. I assumed the dog had chewed apart one of her many toys. Aggravated, I stepped across the crunchy floor to flip on the light. Spread around was an array of little white pieces. As I bent down for a closer look, I realized they were...*gasp* toenails. Apparently, my husband didn't think to cut his nails over a trash can or even to sweep them off the floor. Needless to say, he was given a good talking to.

Eww.

Cat Butt Scent

Scented in Silicone Valley says...

Way back when the Bloom County cartoon strip was still popular my husband had an encounter with a certain cat. We were at a local drug store and there was a display of stuffed animals, including Bill the Cat from Bloom County. Apparently there was a tag on the plush which said "All new smell." Without thinking about it, my husband held it to his face. I had been shopping elsewhere in the store and I turned the corner to see my sweet hubby sniffing Bill the Cat's butt! I laughed so hard I almost pee'd myself.


At least it wasn't a real cat...

King of Vapid Rapids

This entry is courtesy of Dammed in Des Moines:

My husband and I went out for a rafting trip down a slow river for a lazy day. During our little excursion, my husband decided to be funny. He got to the front of the raft, stood and began shouting, "I'm the king of the world!!!" I turned my back to him, searching for the camera to commemorate his kingship when I heard a loud *splash*! My husband was now the king of the water. The funny thing was were were going past a few fisherman who were on the shore and he got exuberant applause from his shore side audience. He was soon back in the raft and said, "I guess I won't do that again." I'm just sad I didn't get a picture.

The Power is Too Strong

So I asked my husband to get the power washer out so that I could take the stain off our deck to re-stain it. He gave me a long run down about how I need to keep it away from the kids and make sure they're not in the line of fire (duh). He tells me it can take their skin off it's so strong. I agreed to be careful. Now he's out there, with my potted plants in full blast receival (I know, it's not a word), spraying away. Between the kids, the dog and my husband, my plants just don't stand a chance. sigh.

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Ingenious or . . . Otherwise?

So I woke up this morning to a puzzling site...


Hmm. . . "What is he doing?" I think. The answer is clear, though. Our dog spreads her food everywhere after digging through the food rubble for her favorite pieces. Apparently, my husband thinks this will solve her messy eating habits somehow. I wasn't sure how he thought it might help, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

Now, hold your breath for the result... it's shocking, I mean I never thought this would happen...


OK, yes I did think this would happen, but at least I let his little test prove itself. :) I just hope my husband isn't developing that duct tape disease that seems to afflict men in their later years. I mean, he's only in his 30's, but maybe it's like early menopause. Early Duct Tape Compulsion (EDTC).