Cart Attack!

Concussed in Calgary writes

Recently my husband did the mother of all stupid things. He came home with a concussion and a huge auto repair bill. Here's how it happened:

One Sunday, he and a friend went to the store to pick up their usual Sunday fare: beer and chips. After their jaunt in the store, they decided they weren't having enough fun and decided to race shopping carts in the parking lot like all testosterone clad teenagers. Except, they aren't teenagers, at least not in their physical age. My husband was winning the race until his cart his a rock in the lot, sending the cart flipping sideways and my husband went with it. He rammed head-first into a car, resulting in damage to his head and the car. I bet he'll do it again anyway.

I wonder how he explained that one in the note to the car's owner? LOL!

Open Door Policy

From Flushed in Fairview:

My husband is a private person when it comes to the bathroom. Even with me, he’ll close the door when he’s going to the bathroom. The only time he leaves the door open is if there’s no one around.

I take annual trips to go visit family and always without my husband. One time, when I was away, he went to use the facilities, he didn’t bother closing the door. As he sat there for a moment, he looked up and realized, he wasn’t at home, he was at work! Fortunately for him and his co-workers, there was no one around at the time as he quickly slammed the door shut.

Oh Sheet!

From Sheetless in Salem...

We took a trip to Hawaii with some friends of ours. Our friend James is the focus of this story. We had all been out drinking and having fun and when we came back to our condo (which one of us owns), the pull out couch had no sheets on it. My friend and I insisted that we put clean sheets on and were searching around in our drunken stupor. James kept insisting that he would just sleep on the mattress. James and my husband just kept fighting us girls saying it was fine to sleep without sheets, thinking that we were trying to accommodate James. Really, though, we were trying to protect the mattress. The whole time they just couldn't understand why we were so adamant about sheets. 

Yes, it's much cheaper to change sheets than the mattress. It gets  a little uncomfortable to explain away a stained mattress to your next guests...

If you have a story to share, you'll remain anonymous! Submit your story to kelly@kellymcdowell.com today!

Meet me at the Sizzler!

A story from my husband about one of his friends back in college days. Yes, I'm having to resort to these stories - so you need to send me some of yours! Actually, this one has to be told - it's just too hilarious.

This "friend," we'll call him Joe, lived in the dorms and had just gotten an MSR camp stove. See photo for a visual. These stoves are meant to be lit at the bottom area, at which you pump gas into it. Joe wanted to cook some beans to try out his new camp stove - he was trying to do this in his girlfriend's dorm room on her desk. Well, Joe the genius, was pumping the gas like mad trying to light the stove at the top. By this time, gas was leaking out the bottom, which he didn't notice and fumes were billowing out the top like mad. He ended up lighting the fumes which in turn lit the gas surrounding the stove. So now he's got a pretty good fire on his hands. He then proceeds to try to douse the flames with a towel, which ended up fanning the flames and throwing sparks around the room, with a large spark landing on the bedspread. Luckily, he was able to get the towel idea to work and got all the flames out. Realizing that the RA's would be responding to the silent alarm his fire had kicked off, he ran down to my husband's dorm room (this was long before we were married) with the camp stove. Joe shows up in my hubby's room shoving the camp stove at him saying, "hide this!" My husband quickly figures out what happens when he sees Joe's shirt with singe marks and covered in burn holes. Not to mention his face which was now void of facial hair - eyelashes singed all the way to his eyes and eyebrows little black curled-up remanants of hair. By the time the RA's came to his girlfriend's room, Joe was back in there with her. They asked what happened. Joe, standing there void of facial hair, shirt and girlfriend's bed riddled with singed holes answers, "nothing."

I can never get enough of my hubby's stories of this friend. I'm sure I'll have to share more of Joe's adventures soon.

I'm not lazy, I just cut corners.

The title is a direct quote from my husband. Here's an example of one of the ways he likes to "cut corners"


Why take the extra 5 seconds to hang up a coat when you can shove it above the others to hold it there?

One Track Mind

From Shredded in Seattle, we have the honor of relating to this post...

One day, I loaned my bank card to my husband since his had just expired and he was waiting on a new one to come in the mail. He said that he just needed to get some cash out. "Uh, honey," he says on the phone. "Your card got eaten by the ATM."

"What? How did that happen?"

Come to find out, he was at the bank, stuck the card in the ATM then got on a cell phone call. He failed to realize that if you don't take action with the card when it is spit back out to you, that the machine will suck it back in and shred it for safety. Then we were out both cards.

Talk about a case of only able to handle one task at a time...

Trophy Wife

From Manly-Man's Wife in Minnesota, we have this fishy tale...

So, last weekend my husband went to an ice fishing contest. Of course, I knew that meant he'd have a few beers, and I'd be annoying when he got home, because he's annoying when he drinks too much.

So later that night he walks in the door, standing there slightly wobbly staring at everyone. So, we all (my adult son, his daughter, and my other two grandkids) look at him wondering what could possibly be wrong.

Suddenly, he takes his arm from around his back and slowly and very unsteadily moves his outstretched hand from one end of the room to the other.

"Clear off the mantel," he yells. "Papa won a trophy, and it belongs on the mantel." With that, he moves to stand in front of every one of us, holding his shiny blue trophy in front of each face.

Well, I burst out laughing, more because he was having a hard time standing up, let alone with his arm outstretched with a trophy waving from it. So I start clapping, the kids start clapping and we add some hoots and hollers.

Then he walks over to the mantel, sets his trophy next to my candleholders and looks at me.

"Can you see it okay?" wobble, wobble.

"Yes, I can see it." I roll my eyes.

"Elyzabeth, how about you. Can you see it? I want everyone to be able to see it."

"Yes, papa, I can see it too." Eye rolling from the 8 year old.

Well, the little ones (ages 4 & 5) start jumping around hooting and hollering about the trophy and they want to play with it, of course.

So, for the rest of the night we get to hear, numerous times, the story of how a little 10 inch crappie won Papa first place in an ice fishing contest.

Were we glad when he finally fell asleep!

Well, after everyone left the next day my husband comes in and says, "Did Elyzabeth take another look at the trophy before she left? I don't want her to forget about it."

Well, I'd thought for sure he'd forgotten all about the night before with all the beer he had had. So I said, "Well, what we can do is take a picture of it. And you can write on it, "Elyzabeth, I just wanted to send this picture of my trophy so you and your brother don't forget what it looks like."

Well, we haven't had a chance to do that this last week. But I think we'll have an envelope in the mail on Monday, because sometimes, my hubby can be very, very funny! Even if he's annoying while he's doing it!

If you have a funny husband moment story to share, please submit it to kelly@kellymcdowell.com!

Foot in Mouth Disease

Well-Read in Richmond has this story to share:

Hubby's been trying to take it easy cuz he's got gout, so he's been reading lots. Today we were headed to the library and he said he wanted to go take out some more non-fiction books to read. I mentioned something about the book he's currently reading (that I had taken out because I enjoy the author) and he said "well the book is too silly for me. I have an imagination and don't need to read up on someone else's silly thoughts." I replied, "so what does that make me?" He had to backtrack. Wonder if having the foot in his mouth helps with the gout.

Thanks Well-Read. Here's hoping mind opens before mouth next time...

You Mean So Much To Me...

Hey ladies! I need your stories - I know they're out there... these funny husband moments are happening even as we speak! Share yours today, send your submission to me at kelly@kellymcdowell.com and of course, you'll remain anonymous though your hubby may become famous. Nameless, but famous.

I Could Just Dye

An entry courtesy of All Dyed Up in Albany

So my husband complained that his goatee was coming in with more and more gray, so I told him I'd help him pick out some Just For Men dye to cover it up. We went to the store, we picked out "light brown" dye. It worked pretty well. You can use it for a few applications, so it was a couple months before it ran out.

One day he walks in and his goatee is really really dark — not natural-looking at all. I ask what happened. He says, "I don't know. I went out and got the same brand and I left it on for the same about of time. It just came out really dark." So I ask, "What color did you buy?" He answers, "It comes in different colors?"

Apparently he just grabbed a box (which turned out to be "brown/black") with the assumption that it is magical hair dye that "knows" to adjust the hair back to it's original color. Keep in mind the fact that the men's hair dye is in the same aisle as the thousands of boxes of colors of women's hair dye. But somehow the men's works differently...

At least this husband is aware of his looks, albeit a little dumbfounded with how to go about it.

Leaf Me Alone!

From Leafless in Loredo, we have a simple tale of a simple mind...

My husband is perfect. That said, I IMAGINE that if he was a little off he would probably start cleaning out the garage using the shop vac in the process. He would then notice that the new little tree in the front yard had dropped most of its leaves and haul the vac out to take care of the small pile of leaves at its base. While he was at it he would most likely strip the remaining 7 or 9 leaves off the tree. WITH THE SHOP VAC. Of course, at this moment the neighbor would come out of the house and see him doing this. Yep, the entire neighborhood thinks hubs is a little off. Oh, I forgot, this is all in my imagination...

Please, no one tell this wife that she's not imagining her hubby's odd behavior. She seems happy and safe in her imaginary world. :)

Separation Anxiety

This snippet is regards of LMAO in Laramie:

My husband and I are working on getting some documents ready for an adoption process. We needed a copy of his divorce certificate from his first marriage. I bugged him for days/weeks. Finally he said he ordered it from the state. It arrives, he opens it and says "Oh no, they couldn't find it - I guess they lost it or something..." I looked at it and noticed the note that said they were sorry but they found no record of his divorce from ME!!!

Oh, you needed the name of my FORMER wife instead of my current? Details, details, right?

What a Pisser

Submitted by Pissed in Peoria, here's another story of hilarium...

I think he does the twist or something when he pees. All over the OUTSIDE of the bowl and on the floor and even on the wall opposite of the toilet. He has talent. He also cleans the bathroom.

Ladies, if you have a tale of a stupid husband moment, please submit them to me at kelly@kellymcdowell.com

Remember, we all love our husbands or boyfriends, we just know how to commiserate together through laughter, right? Right...?